Chet's Place, Home of the Ultimate Buzz, near Elk Mt. Ski Resort, PA

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Chetite Ethics and Code of Behaviour
Rules-Regulations and Guidelines:
Set forth September 1997: in the year of our Lord; Be it as it may, this proclamation has been bestowed upon us by the powers that be, for those of this new generation (Generation X & XX) that do not have a f---ing clue as to what constitutes a Chetite, how a Chetite is to behave in this tavern atmosphere, and most importantly, how one can establish the honor to be considered a bona fide Chetite.

One must understand local bar language and customs to be considered a member of Sparky's Club House. Therefore, the following is a list of phrases and words, commonly utilized in the day-to-day operations. Memorize this information, your Chet life depends on it.

  • Sparky's Club House: Sparky is Mark - the Club House is Chet's

  • Chet-lag: typical feelings you have after a night at the bar, Body shakes, head-ache, everything is running, you don't know where your car is, or your girlfriend/wife or boyfriend/husband. The only cure is to go back to the bar and start again.

  • Lip-Clause: Very important drinking action: this could cost you plenty if you do not follow this strictly enforced rule of thumb. A lip-clause is the phrase used when some asshole drinks his/her shot prior to everyone else in the group. Ya gotta wait and drink together. Also, any residue left in the glass constitutes a lip-clause. Penalty for being caught in a lip-clause: you buy a round for that group.

  • Sparky Beer: Anything Mark pours.

  • Pancaked: The word used when you miss that step coming out of the bar and land on your face in the parking lot. Don't worry, those pock marks in your face and elbows from the 2-B stone will disappear in about 3 days. Also known as a "Face Plant".

  • Jello: It is against all rules and regulations governing this short pallet cleanser to inhale alone or to enjoy by ones self. Tongue flexibility and reaming is a required activity in downing one of these babies. Excess Jello residue left in cup is considered a "Lip-Clause".

  • Double O (OO): Doug's name: a shot that must be followed by a short glass beer chaser. Actually, the beer is for cosmetics only.

  • In the Ditch!: Where Greg used to be all the time. State of truck position with four wheelers who are impregnated with macho stupidity and beer muscles. Where's Leon with his chain?

  • Idiot Rule #1: Don't ask anyone if they want a drink. Of course, they want a drink! We're not here to play bingo, jerky! Just buy em one, you'll probably get two back in return.

  • Idiot Rule #2: Don't ever click your fingers, whistle or bang your bottle/glass for the bartender's attention. You'll get served, don't worry, you are at the HOME OF THE ULTIMATE BUZZ. Hello! Is anyone home?

  • Cindy Wrath: click your fingers or whistle for service, then you'll find out what Cindy wrath is. And what she serves...just drink it or eat it and shut up. It ain't worth complaining.

  • White Lightning: Same as Lost Weekend, same as comatose cowboys or whatever they wanna-be.

  • "You Know": Phrase or question that is part of a sentence and local lingo, you will hear in most all conversations. (Ya know?)

  • Jazz: Prohibited music along with Rap and Opera

  • "In the Weeds": Cape Cod expression, meaning you are about to propel yourself into the state of Chet-lag.

  • Straighten Out!: Usually takes about a week (hey! Saturday to Saturday) frequently used expression meaning you need a shot.

  • Field of Dreams: Baseball area up-the road, or ifing ya got lucky down-the camp.

  • The Whiz: No description known to man.

  • Trophy Room: The Men's new bathroom. Ladies can visit and admire, but don't ever, even think of using it.

To become a Chetite the above information must become common knowledge; and you must......
  1. log in over 6 hours of continuous can't just stop in for one from time to time
  2. have experienced a poison something or other:
    ie: poison peach/apple/strawberry...bugger in the grass, black eye...
  3. have at least one tooth missing
  4. consider Alice a living saint
  5. witness the bar close and help put stools/chairs up
  6. leave your car/truck/jeep in the parking lot overnight
  7. have been bitched at by Rick
  8. know that Penny is not a form of currency
  9. somehow, someway be related to a Foster
  10. experience the "ULTIMATE BUZZ"

you enter this realm of consumption at your own risk. Chet's Place is not responsible for one's loss of self respect and image in the community. Personal belongings left on the premises in excess of 48 hours are considered community property.

Signed by Committee:
Spark-o-matic, Louie, Smiling Al, Whiz, Salty-Dog, Bonzi, Knuckles, Smokey, Trapper, OO, Nip, Dicky-Bird, Our Miss Judy and Eli.

9/1/97 all rights reserved. Any rewrite or copy hence-forth prohibited by law governing the area known as Chetsville, USA. (It's Party Time!)

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